I’m Boycotting Danny_Coole and Here’s 10 Reasons Why You Should Too
Long are forgotten the mistakes of Danny_Coole, and yet it seems like he still continues to make more every day. Recently, there have been strikes day in and day out highlighting the problems of society. Yesterday, it was Frito-Lay, but today? Today, it’s Danny_Coole. While he doesn’t have any employees, he does have the widest reach on Twitch to this day (don’t look it up, just follow him) and the strongest influence across all other social medias (don’t look it up, I already did and it’s 100% true) as well as Discord. This means that all it takes to boycott Danny_Coole is to stop visiting his Twitch. Of course, that’s easier said than done when he is super cool and famous and awesome. While he is all those things, here’s 10 reasons why despite that I am boycotting him.
10. Stanky
This one is simple. He will just absolutely wreak of terrible stench. Nothing will stop the smell, not even the constant showers. Think you can ignore it? Okay, then let’s keep going.
9. 5'9"
According to unknown sources, he is allegedly 5 feet 9 inches. We haven’t fact-checked it and it’s probably not true but the point still stands. What if he is 5'9"? While we’re not sure if that is his height, depth, or width, it certainly is enough to make a person go “ugh” in an instant. If you’re still not scared off, props to you because the next one is absolutely disgusting.
8. Cancelled after getting caught in 4k hd.
Cancelled after getting caught in 4k hd.
7. Philanthropy
This one is absolutely atrocious. He keeps citing that he wants to “give back” if he ever gets even more traction with streaming. What does that mean exactly? Donating to housing-first nonprofit organizations. Feel sick yet? Yeah, we sure do.
6. Pizza Driver
Not only does he make billions from streaming on Twitch alone, he also is robbing someone of a job opportunity at a pizza place. While he is making money, he also has the audacity to talk about it on his stream. We get it Danny_Coole, you make money. You know who else makes money? CEO (Entrepreneur, born in 1964) Jeffrey. Jeffrey Bezos. C’mon, Jeffrey? Danny… You can do it. Pave the way, put your back into it. Show us how, tell us why. Look at where you cam from, look at you now… but don’t make money like Jeffrey, Danny. Do better. Way better. Please. Think of the kids.
5. Problematic
If you’ve made it this far, congratulations. It only gets worse from here. You might know Danny from his Miitopia streams, but what you might not know is that this gained him his first official hater. JustSomeDice, born Dicune Miku, has cited that Danny is so stinky and has even admitted it on stream. That’s right, he’s admitted it. From then on, Dice has been ensuring everyone knows just how stinky Danny is. Keep on doing what the people need you to do, Dice.
4. Time Bend Tuesday
Flashback to the year 1101. Think just for a moment… Who has the capacity to time travel? That’s right, every Tuesday Danny activates the time-space anti-canon (a machine that opens up rifts all across the multiverse throughout all time) without concern for the consequences. This means that every Tuesday is time-bend Tuesday. This makes it possible for Danny to go anywhere in time and mess with things. What happened in the year 1101? I’m not sure. I bet Danny had something to do with it, though.
3. Waffle
Waffle is a bot created by Danny. He is said to be an ever-expanding AI, built to help humanity. Waffle’s humor hinges on being completely innocent, while also wanting to enslave all of humanity… Or is it humor? Maybe it’s all 100% true and honest. That’s right, I’m calling Waffle out. Waffle, I know what you’re trying to do. I see you. I’m coming for you.
2. Nanohexabeta
Danny claims to be an Epsilon Omicron Megachad Male. Day in and day out he will remind you. The truth is that no true Epsilon Omicron Megachad would have to point it out ever. Yet here he is saying it every day. Danny is a nanohexabeta. It is the lowest on the hierarchy and I have determined it by the amount of breaths Danny takes per stream. I took that and divided it by the approximate amount of blinks he does (which I extrapolated from when he was a cat) per week. Scientifically, Danny cannot be an Epsilon Omicron Megachad.
1. Appreciation
Every single stream you can see Danny interact with his chat in a genuine way. Making authentic connections with every single person that watches. He allows you to message him on Discord or talk to any of his friends. Unabashedly, he is up-front about nearly everything without ever giving out irrelevant information. He thinks he can just draw a line in the sand to avoid being the center of attention, as though everyone in chat matters the same. Yeah, well, you should be appreciating me and only me, Danny underscore cool with an e at the end. Appreciating everyone only leads to me being treated like I’m not better than everyone and that won’t stand. So treat me like I’m better than everyone else and ignore everyone except me, Danny. Until then, I’m not watching any single one of your streams.
You changed, man…
As for everyone reading, thank you for reading. I apologize if any of you had to hold back vomit or tears. I couldn’t hold any of this information back any longer, though. Danny is a terrible person and a menace to society. I said what I said and I will always stand by it. Stop trying to be coole, and start accepting that you’re stinke, Danny_Coole.
We have reached out to Danny_Coole for his comment on the matter. We will update when we receive a response.
